I'm confused...what is there that makes my heart beats faster and yet remains calm...will you stay with me...do i want you to stay with me...do you understand what is wrong with me...or with you...where are you now...what are you doing...what are you wearing...what are you looking at...what are dreaming of these nights...where do you sleep...whose arms are around...who kisses your neck when you are asleep...who am I...where am I...life is short...too short...lets expand it...lets live...I don't know...where are you???

In lab, drinking black coffee...realizing how I have loved this peaceful corner of mine...and how much I am gonna miss it...how much fun I had here...

Drinking another one...i had 4 today...like before....no lunch...its just work and love and black coffee...I know I lived my best days here and I know I will always remember every bit of it...

We live till we have a reason to and we die we have no reason to live...and nature is smarter than what we think...it is said that everyone has an angel on her/his shoulder, whispering: get up son of a bitch...so get up and hold on to your reasons, if you got any...

-Got the degree today and now I'm officially a Persian hot Doctor!!
-Watching Frida....I hope the exit is joyful...

-I need someone to take care of me...I just wanna give up every fucking thing, do u hear that...everything!

You smile and the whole word smiles...

Have you really decided not to come?? they asked me over and over again....There are these guys, sitting here, next to me...talking to me..and I am somewhere else...nodding occasionally just to be polite...

What are your plans now?? he asked and I proudly said, I'm gonna be a farmer! and he left in shock...

This is different...this is a different part of my life and I never experienced anything quite like it...As I am not a "let it go" being, it may more time for me to adapt...but I have started to like it!

And I can smell a fragrance...

Better days never come!...that's all we get!!...do we appreciate what we already have?
Take the moments...use them...enjoy them...and that's all...

Enjoy the sunshine little boy!

Saturday afternoon...Corona extra in hand and the whole world around...and I, part of it...looking at Rani, watering the flowers...and the sun, and the breeze and...

make your choice and never look back!

Thanks for saving me BBT!!

Words are not enough to explain how I feel now!!!!! and I must find another ways....

Today is the first day...yesterday was the last day...tomorrow will be another day...and I am getting lost in days...in time...is it me?...rise and shine doc...I shine...you make me shine...you...who are you?? where do you live?? what I am searching for?? I can clearly see now...the rain has gone..and someone likes this fucking song...songs...and we connect through them...feel each other...even touch each other...and forget each other...

Today I feel good...now I feel awesome...I am still tired though...and days ahead are unknown and I like not planning for them, let them take me wherever they want and I will be as light as a feather...as heavy as a fucking Persian human...

what do I want? JUST NOTHING!!!!!!!

Either I'm not made to be free from the day to day pain of going to lab, or I am so exhausted...but I have no different feelings...in fact, I know what hurts...it's the end of a road which has been changed my life forever and now soon I have to say goodbye to it...

And that's it...end of it...get down man...you have reached!!

Listening to Adore by Yoav...this is the 10th time in a row and it just makes me feel so painfully free!!

And I'll be there in the secrets that you dreaming.
And I'll be there when you wake up in the morning.
And I'll be there when you get home in evening.
Till the days of your life are done.

You see the stars...the butterflies....the birds...and I feel one of the most beautiful moments of letting go...I breathe in your month and you live in my breasts...We fly high up experiencing the oxygen and lust all over our bodies...we connect and reconnect to feel each others insides...and we shake, we cry, we love, we hate and yes babe, we live!

Done with the slides... :))

I know what is wrong...where is going wrong...when it is going wrong...I see the damage...I feel the pain...I taste it and yeah, you saw it...and you may took me in because you saw it...and it hurts more sometimes...I know a lot and I know nothing, absolutely nothing and this hurts even more...as I always healed everyone's pain while my own salvation looks far...maybe I don't deserve it and not everyone deserves it I believe!

Is this the burdensome consequent of my past? and still days to come and I need to regenerate myself perhaps, and well, it's me and I'm gonna do it, as always...I just wonder WHY?

Three black coffees on an empty stomach...and I feel thrilled!! I can climb the tallest, run the farthest, dive to the deepest...

is it the caffeine or you?? 

I am in love, with or without you!!

--It's a good thing to be a guy SOMETIMES and could file and archive stuff bothering me...though it's undeniable how they may have taken away pieces of me...

--It feels so good to be what I am...deal with it!!!!

--Done with the main part of the fucking paper work today :)

Isn't it funny that we always know the best right and wrongs in our life? and we always seek other's clues, thinking that they are gonna change things differently!!!! and this is exactly where and when we start deviating and getting lost!

Nil thinks I am converted to a dead piece...she is right perhaps...I have millions of reasons to be...and of course 2 million reasons for not to be! but she doesn't see the missing layers which hurt too too much...she will..someday....

-I have all my reports, all the papers and the balls to go and meet the HOD...today is 7th and everything is gonna be over in about 10 days...

-I don't feel good...something deep down is not right...something is buzzing me off...something is pushing me away...and I feel so ecstatic and my heart beat is just rushing to the sky...and I am listening to the U & I....and Gaga is just ripping herself apart and my nerves too...you and I, you you and I...baby...you and I...you you and I...

-I know, it's a hard time for you...just put yourself together and nail it...bad days will pass and we'll make stories of these days someday...stay on your feet baby, stay tall!

Reports arrived...things are set...and here I come baby!
I am gonna win...I always win!!

- Watching BBT or listening to some hand picked songs and try not to remember how difficult it is gonna be to complete everything by 18th!

Nothing is more pleasant than 19th morning!!!!

- I feel better, though I could see how much weight I have lost in last 10 days and my face still looks sick! but I am better and I am happy :)

King's college of London...fingers crossed...rest is bullshit...